i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
