I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
