Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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