That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
