Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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