You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
