Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
