I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
