Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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