i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
