Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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