there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
