it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
