The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize