he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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