Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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