put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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