Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize