You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize