well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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