Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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