My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize