peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize