Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
