you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
