Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
