Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize