i would punch a child for taco bell
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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