my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
