I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
