Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize