Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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