Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
