Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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