I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
