i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
