we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
