everyone is single if you try hard enough
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize