We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
