at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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