is your mom at the bar?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
