your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Even my vagina gasped.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
