I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
