She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
