I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
