Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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