Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
