I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
