yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize