Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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