I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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