What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
