We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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