This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
