he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
