I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
