i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
