The maid of honor just puked.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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