i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
