dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
