I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
