i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I AM VODKA MAN
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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