So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
