You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
