Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i barfeds in our rink
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
