no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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