Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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